bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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