So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
