batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
