M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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