Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize