we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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