what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
