I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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