I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
