i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
