i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
