I smell stomach acid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
