Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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