My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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