i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
