hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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