i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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