I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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