i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
