I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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