just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
