Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
