Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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