they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
