I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bring me that man meat
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
