saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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