Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
