so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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