Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
