Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
