I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
