Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
