you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
