I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
