We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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