Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
