i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
