first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
