You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
