Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
