If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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