Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
