Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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