you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
