I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
