Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
