I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
