Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize