I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
