They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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