I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
