I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
