dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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