this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
