I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
