My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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