I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
pray to the hookup gods
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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