you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
