i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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