yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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