What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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