And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize