oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
