but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
