it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
