Even the bartender felt bad for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
