Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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