Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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