I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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