I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
