i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize