god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
