mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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