scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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