it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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