Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
