After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
