This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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