just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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