my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
