i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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