so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
