i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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