Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
