at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
