things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
