My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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