My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize