This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
