i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
